Why aren’t you good enough? Why do you need someone else to be whole? Damaged people have been torn down so much by others, that they have been programmed to feel worthless without someone in their life. If you cannot stand on your own two feet, the weight of another will crush you. The answer to feeling alone is not finding the first person who steps into your life and forcing a relationship, because you’re now programmed to think you need some fool to make you a whole.
I am not knocking on relationships. Teamwork can be incredible when people come together, and they can achieve unimaginable goals. When you join a team, partnership or relationship, you need to bring your best self to the table. Joining in on a collaboration of any kind takes hard work, determination, and dedication. If you’re broken and want someone else to heal you, the person you need to look to is yourself. You and only you can improve yourself, others can help, but you are the one who does the healing and hard work.
For too long in my life, I felt that I needed someone else to make myself better. I felt like the only thing that I needed was a fantastic person to transform me into the best me I could be. Believing someone else will make you whole is an unfair belief to others and more importantly to yourself. After the excitement wears off, you’re left feeling empty again. When you feel empty, you look to others and other things to fill the void. This constant cycle of chasing happiness in others is a setup for failure.
Other people can help you with happiness and feeling whole, but if that feeling is not in you from the start, your sabotaging the relationship. If you don’t truly love yourself, you’re unfairly taking from someone else, to feel better about yourself temporarily. This behavior is not sustainable nor is it healthy.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way, and I also realize that I unintentionally hurt others along the way. If you cannot love yourself, you really should not be in a relationship, it’s unfair to you and others. Be honest with yourself and to others; learning to love yourself is hard, but it’s necessary to grow.
Being alone and happy can be hard. Everything in society tells you that you must be with someone to enjoy life and that the whole goal of life is to fall in love and live happily ever after. You are that person that you need to find, to make yourself whole. If you learn to love yourself and go into a relationship knowing and loving your value and worth, you’ll have better chances of sharing that love with somebody else.